May 9, 2008
I just took an amtrak train to holland michigan. It cost 29 dollars. I went to visit Kristin Benner my roommate. I got there around 10pm. There was a waiter on the car we were traveling in and he flirted with all the middle aged women so they were all giggling and flirting back. I sat by myself and read my book "through painted deserts" or looked outside as the day turned into a foggy gray tinted landscape which gave way to night, pitch black I couldn't see anything. It was a long trip. I got lost in my book a couple times though. Now I want to become a homeless person go on road trips write books and paint create art.

I also reflected on this past year. Alot of guys liked me but I just wanted to be friends with them. The guy I did like did not show any sign of liking me back either. My heart was "on the fence" alot of the time as trygve would say. That is not a good place to be. I didn't want to like someone just because they liked me. I was wondering if God would put the man that I was suppose to be with in my life. I had a relationship over this past year but I knew that he was not the one. He was an amazing guy but not the one for me. It was hard after being in a relationship I thought that I really wanted another right away. However, I am slowly realizing that I want to be content in being in love with God. I had spent so much time in vain looking for the right guy when really I just had to fall in love with God all over again. I recently read a quote I really like. A womans heart should be so lost in love with God a man has to seek Him to find it. That is what I want for my life. I want to be satisfied in Him because when I am most satisfied in Him, He is most glorified in me. I found this song that kinda goes with what I am saying....

Security by Stacie Orrico
Another day all alone again...someone please love me
another game another broken heart why do i do this to myself
if i can look and try to find someone who won't leave me lonely....
but then i found i didn't need to search cause you were the one and you came to me....
Im so glad you found me because i need you so close to me because your the only one that makes my life complete. I know it took so long to see that your my security. you won't go away from me and i know that I will never have to worry because you are my security.

Lord I pray that I become a woman after your own heart.