The Five

Today I was talking to a good friend about relationships and friendships. I came to the conclusion that there are 5 things that make up a good relationship. There may be more but these are what I have kind of boiled my thoughts down to. Looking at friendships now, ones that have disintegrated, and ones that have lasted I saw common threads through them. A Great Relationship needs....

1. Love
A love that is not selfish but instead like a servant's heart. We all need to be loved. However if we always focus on ourselves then not only are others not loved but we keep the love for ourselves but our own love will never bring us joy. So if we give all our love to others and others do the same then everyone's needs will be met.

2. Communication
I think is is a huge part of relationships. Whether you are just feeling a little sad or hurt about something don't hide it or stiffle it. Express your concerns and feelings to those you have a relationship with so that they know why you are acting the way you are. Keep those around you informed of your life (in a healthy way don't use this as an excuse to be a drama queen or king) so that they will know what is going on and how to help you if you do need help.

3. Honesty and Trust
I think these go together because honesty builds trust. Even if a person does something bad or something you disagree with, if they are honest about the situation you will be able to respect them more as a person cause you know they are trying to always be honest with you. This opens up the way for trust which is huge in a relationship. Love also contributes to Trust.

4. Balance
You will always have different things you do with different friends but if they are a lasting close friend then they will share all moments with you. Great friends share moments of strife and pain along with moments of joy and celebration. I have had a friend who only came to me with her problems, crying. As a friend I wanted to be there for her of course. So time after time i would console her and try to help her out with her problems or what she was stressed about. That was our whole relationship. It was unhealthy. I have other friends who I only have good times with. Those are fun but shallow at the same time. You don't get to know the person's fears, desires, dreams, past, etc... I have other friends who I can have deep meaningful conversations with. For a good relationship there must be a balance between all three (and there are more parts that play into this but these are just a few examples). A friend comforts and listens but that is not all they do. Friends have to have fun together but if that is all that is there it will quickly fall apart. Friends need to have deep conversations. This is a hard one because you have to build trust in order for this to happen. These can't be forced.

5. God focused
This is the most crucial part. I think all the other catagories will fall into place if both people in the relationship put God first. Now I know that we all fall short and mess up, including me, but if you both are constantly trying to put God first in your relationship it will last a lifetime. I just thought of an old song from my childhood that illustrates this... "friends will not say never when the lords the lord of them, and its hard to let you go in the fathers hands we know that a lifetime's not too long to live as friends."